This is not really pop culture or technology related. However, the situation I went through was a tough but great learning lesson. I decided to write about the situation and shared with my friends via email. There were quite a few who told me that liked it and appreciated what I had to say. I decided to share this even though it's necessarily related to the topic of my blog. I hope you enjoy and learn something from it!
What is a best friend? Usually a best friend is the ONE person someone trusts enough to talk about secrets and life issues that they wouldn't share with other friends.
Who is the best friend? It could be anyone. It could be a grammar school, high school, or high school classmates. It could be someone from your church group or even a co-worker. The best friend doesn't even have to be the same sex as guys and girls can be best friends as well. In fact, some believe that a husband and a wife should be best friends. The one factor that usually ties best friends together is usually that they have known each other for a
long time.
Do best friends last "forever"? I think that everyone wishes that their friends today will remain their friends tomorrow and for the rest of their lives. Many friendships do stand the test of time but there may be some that don't. But even if a friendship does last for years, there will be ups and downs. You may lose touch for a while but reconnect later at an unexpected time.
For myself, I've experienced ups and downs in recent years with one particular friend. She was someone I had met in high school and we had a great relationship for many years. She was instrumental in me learning and growing to be the person I am today. Though I never called her my best friend, in many ways I treated her like one. I revealed to her many things that I wouldn't always reveal to other friends.
A few problems would come up though. First, she lived in the East Coast and constant communication proved to be difficult (even with email, instant messenging and cell phones). Second, she had her own group of friends and among them was a guy she always called her best friend. Third and last, she was constantly busy with her job. She was so focused on work that people like me (especially living far away) were lost in the shuffle.
I was pretty patient and gave my friend the benfit of the doubt. However, my frustration slowly built because my friend just was not calling back or replying to my emails. About four years ago, I finally lost my patience. I called my friend and left her a voice mail expressing my frustration with her lack of communication. To this day, with the exception of running into her in San Francisco (by accident), I have not spoken to her since (some emails written, but that's another story).
Not having someone that had been one of my oldest and closest friends was difficult. However, it made me realize how much I had neglected some of my other friends that were in the Bay Area.
I was very fortunate though. I had some old guy friends around that I had hung out with for years. It wasn't much of a problem to talk to them more. Another college friend also resurfaced. We had been good buddies through college but lost touch for a few years after we graduated. Fortunately, we were able to reconnect and the years away were good. It may me appreciate this person even more and our friendship is better than ever. Along the way, other friends have surfaced and I appreciate their company as well.
What have I learned through this experience?
First, no matter how much we want people to stay the same, people change. For my friend in the East Coast, perhaps work and other life issues dictated that those things take precedence in her life. Even if she wanted to communicate with me, sometimes friendships have to take a backseat to other priorties.
Secondly, I learned that I like to have a diverse group of friends and having a best friend isn't appropriate for me at this point in my life. I have many great friends and calling any of them a "best" friend is a disservice to everyone else. There is one big change. Instead of relying on one person as I did in the past, I have a few select friends that I like to talk to about certain things. Perhaps one day, I will have a best friend and ideally that would be my wife. :)
Thirdly, I think having a best friend can be limiting. Talking to muliple people with different jobs, backgrounds and lifestyles provide perspective. I can talk to married friends with kids, married friends without kids, single friends, old bosses and others. No matter much life experience a best friend may have, they are still only one person.
Lastly, be open to change yourself. I've learned (and read) that certain friendships are only meant to last for a certain time. Maybe the friends are there to help you for a specific reason. Once they have done what they needed to do, they will move on. While this may be sad or frustrating, be aware that other friends will eventually come and take their place.
So these are my thoughts. Whether you agree or disagree with what I had to say, I'd love to hear people's thoughts.
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